the curse of memory in a time of amnesia

Sat, 15 Aug 2009 05:11:16 GMT

This week seems to be one for unreturned emails, calls and texts. It’s been a very slow week – made interminably slower by the fact that i finished a rush of work last week, incorporated, and am waiting to hear back about some more work stuff now. Also, touching base with a few friends has been touchy and difficult lately – rather worrisome.

“All of which makes me anxious, at times unbearably so.” – GorillaZ

Went out with parents last weekend to go check out single flats. A step in the right direction, I suppose. But it was not without intense difficulty and tension.

On the one hand, my mother agrees that i need to get out of the house. On the other hand, any choice i make is terrible and most neighborhoods are to be frowned upon.

She wants to put money down on something to be purchased. I’m open to renting. The places she has her eye on are ridiculously far from amenities. I’d prefer to be closer to trendy/convenient places that don’t require the use of a car.

Unfortunately, of the locations we did check out, none were anywhere near suitable, i’d agree. On the upside we did learn that Forest Hill is very nice… but all of the rentals there are highly likely to be extremely old or extremely lived in. It was not uncommon for us to see nice townhouses or full houses on one side of the street and a severely unkempt low-rise on the other. Also - places to buy in Forest Hill are ridiculously and heart-stoppingly high. Looking for places to live is stressful. :/

All of this is really serving to make me feel isolated. I can’t operate on my own because I live on the terms of the household. I have no social life and have difficulty connecting with others here. I can only hope that moving would help, but it would be nice to be able to get out once in a while and figure things out.

Tags: gorillaz, anxiety, househunting

Giving Blogjet a try

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 15:04:05 GMT

I want to get in to writing a bit more often. It strikes me that i really haven’t felt up to it until lately, having really taken to services like Twitter and Plurk… (i know, moaning and bellyaching ensue).

It’s just sometimes I feel like i need more than 140 characters to express myself, even if Plurk allows for all pertinent discussion to be contained within individual Plurk pages.

So here I am, poking around with different blogging clients. Hopefully I will be able to configure this so i can post to LJ, my site blog, my work blog, etc etc.

I used to use XJournal a lot on my Mac, but it is dying and i really don’t feel like cracking it open just to blog. So Blogjet will be the first i give a spin. So far i find the UI clean and intuitive. If you have any other suggestions, let me know and i will have a closer look.

Tags: blogjet, blogging+client

On hand-holding and overprotectiveness

Thu, 09 Jul 2009 13:29:21 GMT

I have been pretty frustrated lately.

Of course for reasons of my own as well as external influences. But mostly because I have been looking in to moving out and renting a place for my own or with friends.

The problem is every time i even bring up *any* neighborhood with my mother, the answer is emphatically "that's a bad neighborhood".

It could be along the Danforth and Pape area, it could be along Yonge. It could be the Annex, anywhere. ANYWHERE.

Apparently i don't have the intellectual fortitude to decide what i'd like, what amenities i'd like to live near, or what sort of lifestyle i can lead.

I AM 27 YEARS OLD. wtf.

I am going to die a spinster.

There are some days when you just wonder

Thu, 07 May 2009 23:17:22 GMT

where your brain went to.

I was scammed today and i'm really debating whether i ever want to answer a door during the day again. I probabyl wouldn't have answered the door, actually, except i've been expecting a package.

I was busy doing something and some guy rang the doorbell and basically presented himself as a rep from our power company (though he never did actually say whom he worked for) and basically he managed to put our house number and name down on a form and get me to sign something for the power company to send us information about a natural gas and electricity price protection program. I even remember asking him why it said registration form, and he said it was just to send us info. Why i didn't just say no, i don't know. Later, (practically the moment i closed the door) i realized what i'd signed and my stomach hit the floor. I should have opened the door and ripped the paper out of his hand and shredded it right there.

The form was an application for the price protection program. Full stop. Not information for it, an APPLICATION to JOIN. So basically the guy lied to my face about what he was doing and now has a carbon copy of this registration form that basically signs us up for service with Summitt Energy.

So i have called their customer service number and basically they say they have to, by law, call back within 10 days to confirm, OR we can send an email, fax or registered mail prohibiting them from switching us...

But really... wtf? How is it Ontarian law allows companies to just do this so flippantly? It has got to be illegal, particularly when the guy at the door is basically banking on getting someone who obviously doesn't know what they're signing.

And to that end, I feel pretty damned stupid for being taken in on his lie. I pretty much feel like not dealing with anyone at the door again, be it someone contracted to do landscaping for us or the little boy scout and his dad down the street.

Technogeekery for my desktop.

Tue, 02 Dec 2008 23:59:38 GMT

Years and years ago, Nostromo put out the n52, which is intended to be a game controller. It uses keyboard keys and is sculpted for the left hand. Sadly, since i need to draw with my left hand, i needed something similar for my right hand, which Nostromo has no intention of making.

Also, there don't appear to be any other ergonomic solutions that have the same keypress feel that keyboard keys would have.

So after looking in to the situation a bit more and googling the Nostromo again recently, I found this neat gadget from Ergodex also listed on Nostromo's Wikipedia page.

The unit is $150 USD - cheaper on some of their associated resellers. I ordered mine off ThinkGeek on Sunday and received it today via DHL.

The whole unit is about 15" wide by 10" tall, and accesses your computer via USB. It comes with 25 keys, with the capability of accepting up to 50 unique keys in total (more keys can be purchased seperately). Realistically though, for my uses, I only need about 10.

The keys are coated on the bottom with the same sort of adhesive used on lint rollers - so they stick to clean surfaces and can be washed to reactivate the stickiness if need be.

Hopefully this will help with my hotkeying problems. I hate having to run my hands all over the keyboard in search of the photoshop tool i want :/

Untitled

Fri, 03 Oct 2008 21:30:29 GMT

Roaming data charges for cell phones are *criminal*.

I just got back from a work trip to NYC that spanned all of 4.5 days. This afternoon, Bell Mobility just texted me to say that I owe them over $250. Astounded, I phoned them up to see what the heck was going on, and it turns out they want $300+ for 11MB of transfer.

For a bit of comparison here, our household last month had a slight overage on bandwidth and we paid CDN $1 for each 1G over our limit.

So... really... wtf? What a scam!

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Updates

Sat, 13 Sep 2008 03:25:46 GMT

So been a little while since i actually talked about overall goings on.

I've pretty much been holed up at home, doing stuff for work. I've just been put on a new project that is going to require the first stage done by Oct 3, and will be travelling to NYC at the end of this month to do a short seminar for a client. Things are stop and go, busy or not busy. so I have to try and keep myself busy one way or another.

Staying motivated has been the problem, and I've sorta put myself in a situation where I can't really get out of the house on weekend nights because of my existing work and personal schedule. I'm trying to extricate myself from it, but it's hard not feeling like i've given myself a ball and chain as it is.

And even if i were to get out and about, where would I go? I really have no clue.

I'm also sorta concerned that I haven't been able to sit down and get my postcards organized and sent out. I recieved them and just need to get all the addresses sorted and sent out. Personal doodling is coming and going, depending on how busy I happen to be. I need to push out some more boards for JasonM, which are already thumbnailed out. Just having trouble finding the time and motivation.

I'm also gonna have to start thinking about packing again soon. I think we take possession mid October - We'll be just south of Kingston on BrookLawn.. so a bit closer to the downtown area.
Still thinking about moving out, but it will have to happen after this move, i think. I just need to not live at home much longer after this. Is really sapping my will to live :/

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I haz it!

Thu, 11 Sep 2008 21:36:19 GMT

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Nuuuu!

Fri, 29 Aug 2008 16:11:11 GMT

ok, so I did a stupid thing - I had to update my phone's software and neglected to include contacts in my Backup. :(

so... i've pretty much lost all my numbers.
if you have my number or think I had yours, could you please send me either an email or text so I can add you back?

Thanks!

wtf?

Thu, 14 Aug 2008 01:33:20 GMT

"Spanish basketball team poses for offensive picture"

Who was the marketing genious on this one?

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Sketchbookey stuff

Wed, 13 Aug 2008 20:51:51 GMT

Updated my depot with some recent sketches. Might go through a couple older sketchbooks and upload the choice stuff. Should also fill out the 2007 gap i went without updating my sketches... heh.

Anyhow, here are a few selected pieces from the batch:

And the link to the full 2008 section.

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As for housing...

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 14:32:19 GMT

My parents placed an offer on a 2004 house, south of Kingston Road, close to Bluffer's Park. After some negotiation, we came to a mutually equitable amount with the seller. It passed inspection with a few indications as to slight fixes here and there, but there is really nothing serious, and the house is in good condition.

I don't have photos, but I think my Dad does...

I do personally find the house a bit... 'too much'... too much for me at least. But then I was raised in neighborhoods that were wll established and known for having older homes.

This house being in this neighborhood sorta mixes that up though, since it is built in an established area. The house itself is roomy, has high ceilings, good layout, and all of the aesthetic touches my mom likes... Another selling point was that the place really demands very little additional attention, which is a good thing for my parents, I guess.

As for me? Well, I don't know whether it's just been our recent situation at the townhouse that has aggrevated the situation more, but I've really been thinking about moving out for a while now. There's a bit of autonomy that I don't and really never had, that I really really need right now, and being crowded where I am really isn't helping.

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Durrrr

Wed, 30 Jul 2008 03:15:35 GMT

So house deal fell through the other day, as Mom went with the Realtor and house inspector... apparently the roof has mould... which would be a PITA to fix... if it were even possible to try fixing...

So uhh.... Friday afternoon? They came back and cancelled.

Anyhow... Dad's back in town this Thursday, and Friday morning we should be going to see another house, on Markham, but south of Kingston Rd. Googlecamming over it yields a nice neighborhood, surprisingly. And really close to the lakeshore O_O.

Really hoping this is the one.

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Dark Knight

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 01:50:27 GMT

Went and saw Batman this afternoon with my Mom.

Good movie.

But very depressing, given most people who pay attention to the news know that Heath Ledger took his own life a few months ago. It bothers me a lot because seeing this film now makes me think about what sorta headspace he must have been to have done that, and how he may or may not have shown signs of being in distress before he took his life.

I think i've mentioned before here how my uncle passed away, and this movie brings to mind similar memories and unhappiness.

Nevertheless, the story made a good transition to film, and I'm impressed that the method of storytelling overall was less 'superhero-ey' and more contemporary.

Will be interesting to see what the third film brings.

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Movin' Movin' Movin'...Get those cows a-movin'...

Fri, 25 Jul 2008 04:28:05 GMT

So we're moving.

Yes, again.

In November.

Not far, mind you. Still in Toronto. But to a place that's much more roomy. Hopefully less stressful than our current place. It'll be closer to Morningside, down by UoT. Seems like an older home, but must have been rebuilt at some time because it seems newer than most of the houses on the same street.

Huge lot, two story house with developed basement. HUUUUUUUGE driveway. will be giant pain to clear in winter. but nice house in developed area... and country-style interior, which is the sort of thing Mom likes very much.

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A few photos here: http://flickr.com/photos/spacylittlecowgirl/

Zeh Hunt

Fri, 20 Jun 2008 16:44:38 GMT

Catching up on job hunting for this week, as much of earlier this week has been occupied by a quick rush build from AWS (texturing and minor detailing left to do).

Not casting aside all hopes of working part/full time in Sl for the moment, but really hoping anything i do apply for is squarely related to my expertise, rather than *COMPLETELY UNRELATED* - IE: the teller job my Mom wants me to do in the mean time. It's not like there aren't listings for related work out there anyway - it's just going to take time to find the right fit.

Incidentally, I really don't see the same pressure being placed on my Dad, who is supposed to be job hunting here as well.
------
I need to put together postcards and mailouts this week and actually get in gear sending em out. I finally picked up the 2008 Directory and have been picking out a bunch of places to get in touch with. It's just a matter of buckling down and getting it done.

I also need to work on more finished pieces for the portfolio, start picking out sketches I'm happy with for the website. Try to get involved with the online art communities again...

That is, if I can actually manage being a member here there and everywhere again :P
------
Also - I've joined the new D2 Ladder season.

Mission "This will not end well" commences.

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Untitled

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 16:11:14 GMT

Considering paying the fee to change my LJ name.

It's an anagram of my full name, but now that I think about it, it was a bad choice.

Does changing one's LJ name still cause linking issues? or does LJ automatically make the link changes now?

edit: OK - so I've gone through with it. Everything seems to have linked over properly. Now to manually change my links elsewhere...

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Changed to S2 Theme

Thu, 19 Jun 2008 02:57:48 GMT

I remember a time waaaaay back when I looked atwhat LJ had to offer for S2 themes and I went back to something simple because I didn't really grasp the usability of themes that used CSS extensively.

Revisiting that now, I'm rather happy with the customizability - even for basic members like myself.

I've chosen a basic, non-coloured theme for now. Will customize as I have the time/inclination. In any case, plain black and grey on white suits my needs currently, as far as I'm concerned.

I may even decide to post more to my SL LJ account now :P

I still need to figure out just how to filter/syndicate my friends list for Flock though.

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Deleter & Tachikawa nibs in Toronto?

Mon, 16 Jun 2008 04:58:27 GMT

This is sorta niche, but does anyone on my list know of any places in Toronto that sell Deleter and Tachikawa pen nibs? Omochabox, through which i used to order, no longer seems to be around. Akadot retail has some and I'm thinking about ordering from them, but it would be nice to know if i could pick these up locally somewhere.

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FC's adventures in ISP frustration.

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:50:41 GMT

Speaking of the Internet though, we went through a fair amount of hassle through Bell for about three weeks because the previous owner of this unit had service with a company that didn't shut off their line (which blocked Bell from setting up theirs). Compounded with the fact that initially we were not going to get a land line, we additionally had to get our line manually set up through a specific office. One week after our initial setup request (one day after my Dad and I arrived in TO), we still didn't have any service on the line. I called the BellWorld store to ask about it, and the guy we'd been dealing with said 'bring the modem back, we'll get head office to run this manually, they'll have to send you a new one'. So we dropped off the modem and waited just over another week for 1) Delivery of the modem 2) Actual Working Internet. After 8 business days of not receiving ANYTHING, I gave their head office a call, only to be told that it would take 'another few days' for the modem to arrive. Not only that, but they now had to send someone to set it up, and that the earliest they could have someone in to do that was June 18. Note, here, that at no point prior to this had it been mentioned that we would need someone to do anything *more* than plugging the modem in to a phone line and in to a PC. Moreover, had we known someone needed to be booked, we would have preferred that to have been done waaay back when we first made the service order. Needless to say, both my mother and I were pretty unhappy and went directly to the original store to try and get things sorted out... But it turns out BellWorld stores operate completely separate from their head office, despite the fact they are supposed to be able to provide the exact same services, on a local level. (wtf!) So not only could they *not* give me a modem to plug in to the wall for the service a BellWorld rep said (on the phone) was already operational at our unit, they then reaffirmed that a technician needed to be sent out, and that they would have to book an appointment.

Fed up and tired of not being able to pay bills, access email, and do other internet related things, we chose to subscribe to Rogers hispeed service from a store in that very same mall, and were given an install date of two days later. We also went back to the original Bell store and cancelled our order. Funny thing though - while my mother was on the phone to their head office to cancel the order, the rep on the phone tried to weedle her in to staying with Bell, promising they could get a rep there two days later. Again, wtf? After weeks of lies and inadequate service, employees subscribing to Bell's model of service dropped the ball again.

So long story short, as far as my internet is concerned - Bell took 3 weeks to fail to give us service. Rogers took 2 days to successfully get our lives closer to normal working order.

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Convocation, The Move, and other stuff that made things bearable in the mean time.

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:49:51 GMT

Convocation happened May 16. We picked up our gowns around noon and filed in to the hall around 1ish. Loose Moose ushered the graduating class in, we were addressed by various officials and academia, and our degrees presented. Dragon dancers led the grad class out. Stayed a short while at the reception, picked up a grad book, then Dad and I headed home to prep for our drive.

Things had been prepared for the most part the days previously. The moving truck had carted away the bulk of our belongings the day before, so all we had with us was the stuff I'd need right away, some plants, and some incidental stuff that didn't get taken on the truck. We left that evening and stayed the night at Medicine Hat, taking the TransCanada across the country, eventually reaching Toronto on Tuesday afternoon.

The first week was cold, windy and rainy for the most part. Since we didn't even have mattresses for the townhouse, we elected to stay at my Grandmother's for a while, since it's very very close. I hung out with teh OFU crew at Anime North on Saturday & early Sunday, where I also bumped in to Mark N. Stayed at jlunar's for BBQ that night, and we all met up again the next day to take in Indy 4 around Empress Walk. JLunar also held an awesome, awesome party at The Fifth Social Club Friday night, at which I had the privilege of attending. Great food, great music and dance. Had lots of fun!

Moving truck arrived May 30 and was pretty much unpacked by the middle of that afternoon. Unpacking has been the word ever since, and even now i've still got a few boxes i haven't really looked in to for sorting. For the most part though, I am moved in and trying to be proactive as far as getting settled in, employed and comfortable with my new living situation. I've been working on a new website design that will hopefully showcase my skills a bit better. Once the main template is complete things should go quicker.

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Crisis of faith

Sun, 08 Jun 2008 22:10:11 GMT

I am having a crisis of faith right now... in part of my life that has in the past been my foundation around which the rest of my life revolves.

If you've been following this blog or talked to me recently, you know that I recently moved to Toronto with my Mom. My Dad roadtripped with me shortly after convocation and took a flight back to Calgary on Tuesday. He still has a job in Calgary, so he'll be going back and forth between the cities for a while.

Things in Toronto since have been busy, warm, frustrating, for various reasons... but the one thing that brought me to tears today was the fact that my Mother mentioned my Dad saying he may sell the house in Calgary and buy a condo instead.

There has always been some question as to *when* my Dad will join us permanently in Toronto... the issue is his job has direct relevance to the oil and gas industry and he says he would have difficulty finding a comparable job here in Toronto, in terms of both job description and compensation. Honestly though, I don't even know if he's been looking.

Time mentioned for him to move over here has varied from 6 months to 2 years. And now he mentions moving in to a condo?

Understandably my mother was more than concerned. So was I. She doesn't know whether to call this a seperation or what. Neither do I.

I called my dad later this afternoon and he said it was 'just an offhand comment', and assured me he sent my mom a clarifying email and would call her later tonight.

Still, I can't help but feel like our family is spread pretty thin right now.

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Sat, 10 May 2008 17:59:06 GMT

one week. :|

Trying to spend time off the grid and not thinking about things. having lots of mixed feelings and experiencing lots of tension about move internally and externally as well as bunch of personal stuff.

Things promising to be stressful for at least rest of this month.

Tired, very tired.

New York, Part deux.

Wed, 05 Mar 2008 18:26:18 GMT

Picked up a couple of sketchbooks at New York Central Art Supply Tuesday afternoon, then met with Todd and we went to see the Gugenheim before heading back downtown to meet with Zha for a hearty Korean dinner at a place along Korean Street. Beef bibimbap in stoneware = yum. Day after, met with Todd in SoHo and we explored various shops in and around the area. Lots of walking, found lots of cool stuff - KidRobot, Evolution, etc. Took in dinner at Mexican restaurant with Todd and some of his friends in/around SoHo (the name escapes me right now), then took in a bit of coffee at their Rand & McNally for a bit, talking about the creative industry, SL, scifi etc.

Thursday ended up being a homework day, getting some character concepts done, as well as two kids illo spreads.

Friday ended up being a 'prep for home' day - packing, doing laundry, digesting experiences over the past week, contemplating things about the future - like moving, like work, like friendships. Met with JiaXing Rong that evening and went to Parsons U's life drawing open session, explored Chinatown/Italy town a bit, then headed back to hotel to finish prepping for early departure next day.

All photos now available on my flickr

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Flocking in New York

Tue, 19 Feb 2008 17:37:44 GMT

I'm blogging this from New York in my hotel room as I prepare to head out for coffee.... hopefully finding some free wireless along the way. I'm trying to blog this via Flock, so we'll see just how well it shows up... (it will be posted to both my LJ and SLC eventually).

I've enjoyed what I've experienced in NYC so far - first night I got some dinner and decided to explore the area around my hotel (The New Yorker), and sereptitiously came upon Times Square - that is... i did nothing to look for it, i just wanted a walk :P

Day 2 I went and visited Steven & friends in Brooklyn, where they held a late Chinese New Years party and we had fun making dumplings and discussing this and that. Saw lots of homes that are completely different from what I am used to seeing (Calgary is almost all individual houses or apartment buildings, but never so many townhomes and so tightly packed together). Still, domestic life in Brooklyn seems very convenient and relaxing.

Day 3, Steven and I headed off to MoMA and took in the Lucian Freud exhibit as well as some of the other shows on hand there. We also checked out the Museum of Folk Art quickly, then headed back to Brooklyn where we had dinner with his friends Andy and Jill.

Day 4 (yesterday) was mostly a breather for me. Been dealing with a bunch of things, and took the time to catch up on some homework and such. Today's been sorta like that too, except I'm gonna see about poking around a bit and seeing if i can't find that elusive art supply shop :P Meeting with Todd and Zha later this evening for dinner.

More to come later...

Photos in my Flickr account.

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